In certain circumstances “enough is as good as a feast.” I know, rarely are these words heard or this concept addressed within our world of findom or femdom. And it can continue to be a rarity because we’re not focusing on them in that aspect today either. I can’t imagine ever having enough clip sales. I will always, of course, accept tributes; no matter from whom. You can be the greatest annoyance, the biggest fuckwad, the largest idiot and yet, you have this going for you: I’ll still liquidate your assets. And if I try really hard, focus all of My talents for imagination, I may be able to picture a time when I no longer want gift cards. But it is with great effort that I foresee this because, I’ll let you in on a little secret My pets, in all actuality, it is not money that I love. I am not a miser or a penny-pincher. I do not have a vault out back in which I keep all of My gold and practice My backstroke. I am not cheap; I am indeed the least frugal person I know. For you see little bitches, it is not just the growing increments of monthly dollar figures that get Me off, it is more about how they compare to previous monthly dollar figures. It is the steady climb, the success, the brilliance, the larger numbers, that is what makes Me wet and keeps Me awake at night. Here I am, a self-proclaimed contradiction, a Findomme admitting it is not the money I love, but the things which money can buy. What is the point of having money, if not to surround and adorn yourself with beautiful things? There will most likely be a time in My life when I do not wholeheartedly agree with that mindset, however now is not that time.
Money, because of what it can do for Me is the only thing I can think of that I enjoy in excess. Not an excess of cash, not an excess of jewels or baubles, but money in My bank account, at My disposal, leading to more money, this is an excess I enjoy.
What is the benefit of cash in excess? I’m reminded of the scene in Weeds when Celia realizes she can’t deposit massive amounts of cash, she’ll be reported to the authorities. She can’t pay her bills with cash, they only accept credit cards or checks.
What would be the benefit of having an excess of valuable, beautiful things? I have panties that cost several hundred dollars. I have shoes that cost several thousands of dollars. In all actuality, I don’t wear them very often because they are so valuable.. it makes them kind of silly when you think about it.
I enjoy the luxury, but do not see the point of them in excess. Again I am reminded of a scene, this time from Harry Potter where they break into the Lestrange vault and discover the flagrante charm placed there. Everything they touch multiplies and radiates unbearable heat. Imagine the brilliance of that if you are the owner of such valuables and imagine the horror if you are the intended thief.
The horror of something in excess, this brings us to the intended topic of this week’s column, but before it is revealed, let’s exercise our imaginations one more time. Think of your favorite food, for Me it is cake. Now imagine having to eat cake for hours and hours. Oh c’mon, that’s a terrible example; who would suffer having to eat cake for a lengthy period? Alright let’s try another fav food then, sushi. Can you imagine only being able to eat sushi for the rest of your life? Oh, the horror; gag Me now. Think of other favorites and then think of them in excess. A house where every item inside and out is pea green, your home overtaken by several packs of wolves, a life where your olfactory senses have been manipulated so that the only thing you smell is heirloom roses. You may shudder now and agree with Me, the only thing desirable in excess is money in My bank account and gift cards waiting patiently on My computer.
Some of you on the East Coast will experience the horror of excess this summer. Not Me, thank god, but some of you located in areas between South Carolina and Connecticut will witness it. You will live through it; it’s not anything that will actually harm you and it will only last for a few weeks, but you’ll see it nonetheless and just thinking about this horror.. well, it is horrifying.
It is something that only occurs once every 13-17 years, however there are 15 of them that occur in this infrequency making them more frequent and on the average, they reign terror on a small region once a year. They are only seen on the eastern half of the United States and no where else in the world and each year the horror varies. This year is the year when one of the largest of all 15 groups will emerge, horrifying those lucky enough to be living in the middle of the East coast. Any day now, once the ground temperature reaches precisely 64 degrees, the invasion will begin and humans will be outnumbered 600-to-1, maybe more!!
They are Cicadas, but do not insult them by lumping them in with the average group that appear every year in small numbers all around the world like many other insects. These are called magicicadas, as in magic; they have bulging red eyes and a screeching mating call measured at 94 decibels, loud enough to drown out the sound of airplanes flying overhead. There numbers are estimated at 30 billion and any day now they will crawl out of the earth looking for one thing and one thing only: BLOOD, raw-ha-ha-ha!! Only joking; they’re looking to fuck, procreate, and not with us, sick-o, with each other. So really, there’s nothing to fear. But look outside and imagine your front lawn, your dog, your car, your street, your heirloom roses, your green house, your hundred dollar panties and thousand dollar shoes, if unlucky enough to be caught outside, all of it, covered in a blanket of insects. This particular brood has been biding its time since 1996. They have been here the whole time, right underfoot, in wingless nymph form sucking on tree roots and waiting. Kinda creepy; huh?
So My advice to you, My devoted pets located on the East coast: take advantage of that vacation time you have been saving up, water your garden now, ship your dog off to a west coast relative, and spend these next few weeks adding to the excess that is free of horror: My bank account. Gather your rations and send Me presents. Purchase some earplugs and send Me money. Stay indoors and send Me gift cards. Listen and obey and good luck!