Quit It

 

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Anyone following Me on Twitter or interacting with Me on a regular basis knows what I’ve recently quit. I sure do go on and on about it often enough. In addition to My friends, husband and dogs, it’s almost like Twitter and My slaves have become My very own, personal support group. I figure the more I bitch about it, tweet about it and recognize its difficulty, the easier it is to quit smoking. The more I talk about it, the more it increases the number of people who can hold Me accountable. So far it’s worked out well and I’m still going strong. I overemphasize My accomplishment just as I’ve milked My battle, and I do so to boost My perseverance and endurance. Let’s be realistic, I have a taste for some forms of melodrama and a tendency for a pinch of hubris. Continually discussing My struggles and accomplishments satisfies both these tastes. Let’s also be realistic about the flip side of this scenario. Quitting smoking has been a seriously lame crusade that fucks Me in the ass on a daily, if not hourly, basis. It has affected every single fucking aspect of My life. And not in good ways, which just seems unfair, unjust and like some higher power is straight up messing with Me.

I’ve started eating breakfast (a good thing) but have reduced My coffee intake since it is guilty by cig association. So now it’s such a struggle getting up in the morning, My energy levels are at an all-time low and on the mornings when I have the time to devote to a leisurely morning, I still can’t figure out how to make breakfast and a latte so that they’re both done and hot at the same time.

I have gained more than two hours per day by quitting (another good thing.) I have never smoked inside, so if you consider it, each time I would take a break, go roll and smoke a cigarette, this consumed about 10 minutes.. an average of 12-15 smokes/ day; we now have an addition of over two hours added to My day. The problem is cigarette time was always when I would catch up on emails, tweets, the necessary correspondence of My life. Just sitting down—not smoking—and simply reading My tweets and emails seems retarded right now for some reason.

I am constantly distracted and forgetful; two adjectives that have never plagued Me before. (The other day I left the house and realized I forgot to brush My teeth; [Wtf; who does that?] today it was feeding the dogs their breakfast.) I have gone from three bowel movements per day down to one a day. I don’t even enjoy drinking alcohol or smoking weed right now and when I do either, I just become irritable. And to top it all off, the real ass-fucker, I am constantly out of breath and wheezing during My workouts. Have you ever heard of anything more ridiculous??!!

Granted, there is an explanation for all of these issues: decline in poops is due to the diuretic attributes of both cigs and coffee, lack of concentration due to the massive evolution in My body’s chemistry, struggling to breathe during cardio can be attributed to My lung’s repairing themselves and how cigarette inhalation causes an expansion of one’s respiratory system. All of these issues will subside and eventually I will begin to reap the benefits of being a non-smoker. My energy, concentration and memory; My cardiovascular ability; My love for martinis, multiple cups of coffee and a bowl at bath time will return eventually. Some will even be renewed with a fresh vigor and until then I just have to trust that I am indeed better off without cigarettes.

Here I am enjoying one of the last cigarettes I will ever have, memorialized forever on film. A must have for any smoking fetishist

Here I am enjoying one of the last cigarettes I will ever have, memorialized forever on film. A must have for any smoking fetishist

Sigh. I know how hard it is to actually give up a detrimental pastime that you just absolutely love. To quit a habit that you think you can’t live without, one that seems to enhance aspects of your life, but in all actuality is just killing you (literally) can be difficult. This is why I began by telling you about My own butt-kicking (pun intended.) And to finish, I will, in all My egotistical glory list the offensive nonsense I believe it is time for you to quit:

1. Quit writing stupid shit full of emoticons, apologies and defenses. You have an opinion; you have an idea. You feel that for some reason these perspectives of yours have enough merit to be published on the Internet and be eternally immortalized on the world wide web. Now fucking grow a pair and stop making excuses for your thoughts, stop hiding behind smiley faces and for fuck’s sake, stop denying you said somethingretarded when someone else offers you proof of their accusation.

1A. On that note, I really need to quit reading stupid shit. At first it was amusing, now as an irritable almost non-smoker, it is just another source of irritation.

2. If you’re going to talk the talk, you better be able to back that shit up. Quit claiming to be intelligent then post shit full of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. How smart do you have to be to notice the red squiggly lines that appear under any misspelled word in a word document, an email, a clip description, (C4S at least, KB puts it on your shoulders to check your own spelling) a tweet, the comment section of this website?

3. Quit going to the intersection by My house where from the right lane you have a choice of turning left, going straight or turning right and when there’s no one in the left lane, you chose to wait at the red light in the right lane intending to turn left and I’m stuck behind you when I could have already turned right on the red light!!!! (Quit writing run-on sentences.)

4. Quit ganging up and shitting on the editor of this site. If you have a legitimate gripe, so be it; li’l b certainly isn’t the smartest and every now and then he is indeed deserving of reprimand. (brucey, remember that time I sent you a horizontal pic I took from My phone? It arrived in your email rotated sideways and that’s how you posted it. When I asked you why the fuck you would do that, your response was because that’s how I had sent it.) And sure, I too have given the guy a lot of shit; a great deal of My frustration has been directed solely at him and his errors, but when I shit on him or anyone, for that matter, it’s because of their mistake directly affected Me. Just like I’ve given KB and NF their fair share of My wrath when they have fucked up. But what do all these sites, these companies have in common? None of them need Me for the success of their business; none of them require Me; none of them would go bankrupt and shut down if I wasn’t featured. Does this excuse them from making stupid mistakes, completely losing My content or not paying Me correctly, then sending Me a reply email saying My email address is invalid? Of course not. But it is I who chooses to use these venues for My own gain and profits and when they fuck up, I bitch once and they fix it, simple as that. If these problems occurred over and over, were so extreme they were affecting My business and the owners didn’t give a fuck, I would have the wisdom, decency and self respect to move My content to another clip store, open My own site, copy write all of My material and threaten to sue whenever featured elsewhere. Until I can afford the time, the funds and lack of traffic to do that, I simply ask them to fix their mistakes, (sometimes in a less than friendly manner if their mistake is reoccurring or outrageous.) They always fix them and apologize; why, once I was even offered a trip to Vegas in addition to an apology.

5. Quit messaging Me asking stupid questions that are a blatant waste of My time and to which you could easily find the answer yourself: Where is your studio? How do I tribute you? Do you have an Amazon wishlist? What is your email address? Why doesn’t this clip download? Does Niteflirt take prepaid Visa cards? Where do I buy a Greendot card? Are you from the east coast? Do you ever film with other dommes? Do you lock boys up in chastity? Do you do cam sessions?

Seriously, just quit it and in the meantime, I’ll keep doing the same.